I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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