be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
