Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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