there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
