My room smells like vodka and shame
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
