Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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