He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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