I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to have your abortion
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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