well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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