Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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