Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
