i just wanna soil my oats bro
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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