Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize