just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
