my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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