You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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