HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
