Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
