He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
