I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So many bounce houses so little time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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