forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
