Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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