Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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