So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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