1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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