I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
