cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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