we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
