Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
