this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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