roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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