last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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