I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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