Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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