u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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