Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
