i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
