My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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