Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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