If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
