The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize