I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
