Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
