what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize