Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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