Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
