What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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