Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
