shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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