i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
