Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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