did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
