he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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