I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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