Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
