You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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