We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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