Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
