we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
