Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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