I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
