I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
