Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
