so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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