with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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