hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
