They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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