fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
