After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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