she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
