I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
