Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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