We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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