I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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