This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
